![]() At 76, it’s a choice she’s never regretted.įor her, it’s a mistake to ignore the world around us when thinking about starting a family. Kissling knew she never wanted to have children, and was sterilized at 33. She has a class coming up on children and family that will explore all the questions I’m interested in: should you have children? Why should you have children? Do you need reasons? What rights do children who are going to be brought into the world have? When we talk, she’s in Mexico co-teaching reproductive health ethics at the National Autonomous University of Mexico. Is this what committing feels like? The activist and ethics professorĪ colleague recommends I talk to Frances Kissling, president of the Center for Health, Ethics and Social Policy, former president of Catholics for Choice and an activist who has campaigned across reproductive rights, religion and women’s rights since the 1970s. It’s become quite a habit, and I am surprised to find my mind going to the baby version of life most often. ![]() In the morning when I snooze my alarm, on the subway after work, I think about my future self and picture a baby in it. I’m not sure about this teleporting idea, but I give it a try anyway. For big choices that are hard, it’s important to get all the aspects of that alternative reality.” It’s not just the dry information, it’s emotional too. “You have to tele-transport yourself into a world where you have a child. It sounds straightforward, and I’m all for taking control of my situation rather than waiting for a divine hunch, but how do I actually do the committing part? The reason I’m doing all of this is because I can’t commit to something.Ĭhang compares making a commitment to reading a novel and immersing yourself in an alternative world. You should quit trying to find out which is better … You have the power to throw yourself behind an option and add value to it,” she says. “Lots of people do the pro-cons thing until the cows come home, then they are stuck. But letting go of the idea that someone or something will swoop in and tell you what to do forces us to properly consider our values, and the reasons we want to do something in the first place, which gives you a more active role in your choice. (I may have Googled “how to make hard decisions”.)Īfter getting hundreds of emails asking her for advice – commonly from men asking if they should break up with their girlfriends – Chang observed that most of the people she talks to actually just want permission. I find her via a Ted Talk on how to make hard decisions that has been viewed more than 7m times. ![]() “When you commit to a certain type of life, hard choices become fewer because you are on that path.”Ĭhang is a chair of jurisprudence at Oxford University and has been a professor of philosophy for 20 years. By committing, we can make something the right choice for us. “By doing so it becomes the better choice because we work hard to instil it with value. “The key is to plump for a choice and commit to it,” she says. But we have the power to make an option better and more appealing for ourselves. Ruth Chang’s advice boils down to a simple principle: when it comes to big life decisions, choices are often hard because neither option is better than the other. Illustration: Evangeline Gallagher/The Guardian I decided to make a plan and seek advice from people who make a living through helping others make choices: a psychic, a philosopher, and reproductive rights activists … and my mom. But as I get older – and increasingly aware that I don’t have much time to dither – I feel more confused than ever.Īs my pros and cons list has so far failed to edge me towards a decision, I realise I need some help. I’ve always hoped that intuition would kick in when the time was right. And not knowing is beginning to stress me out. To experience what it feels like to be pregnant, give birth and love something you and your partner have madeĪre these good reasons? Bad ones? I don’t know. When I’m old, my children will visit me and I can make them roast dinners ![]() To experience the excitement of waking up your kids on Christmas morning To snuggle a baby of my own and sniff their soft, little head In fact, I have another list, “Reasons I Do Want to Have a Baby”: But I’m not ready to accept that kids aren’t for me. A solid list, in my view, and one that I could add to.
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